My Story: Before finding my WHY, I was a hot mess

Before Finding my Why, I was a hot mess
Before Finding my Why, I was a hot mess

I was like any other twenty-something year old: I felt like I could do anything. I wanted to move to different cities. I wanted to see the world. I was young and I was eager.

As a young go-getter, I had a list of things I needed to achieve: I solo traveled, I surfed in the Pacific; I finished Fine Arts and then finished an MBA. I moved to 3 different cities across two continents, and traveled in 30 more.

Heck I even tried pole dancing.

I met all kinds of people of different color and culture; of different personalities and nationalities. It was a personal sense of pride to be a chameleon of sort–from hanging out in a New York rooftop bar with investment bankers to waiting for waves with surfers–I had a hell of a great time.

Achieving something–anything–made me feel validated… Until it didn’t anymore. And then there’s just another better thing to do, to show off to others what I can do.

I was a hot mess.

I had to do everything. I had to constantly prove myself. I got massive FOMO and couldn’t stand missing a party, event, activity, whatever. I need to be in it all.

Also, while these things were cool, they weren’t exactly free. My energy was scattered, and I wasted so much time chasing feats. Doing these things take up money, hours and energies.

While I also met interesting and amazing people of all sorts–I was never really able to cultivate deeper relationships with them. I always ended up moving elsewhere; and people move on.

I knew something was wrong because even if it felt I was surrounded by people, I was alone.

I was fueled with an illogical fear that I might not be living my life to the fullest.

The 20-something-year-old me realized that I had a lot of spread, but I didn’t have a lot of depth. I only sustained interest until I was ‘good enough’, but never to achieve to a level of mastery. My level of interest is quick to wane when I can do it, never to I am good at it. Quickly enough, my focus has transferred to the next new shiny thing.

There were no roots; I was the jack of all trades, master of none.

I realized that I can’t really spend for everything–I can’t be a spending generalist–else that will bankrupt me! I need to define priorities and that means aligning my goals with my purpose, so I can pursue my goals with intention.

How to Find your WHY: Ask these 4 Questions

1. “What makes you feel alive?”

2. “What are my innate strengths?”

3. “What problem do you want to champion?”

4. “What’s your ideal workday?”

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By doing this exercise and asking these 4 questions to myself, I realized I am a maker by heart and I want to make stories. I decided that all my passions, pains and problems will center around my love for stories.

I want to tell stories that would give a voice to those without a voice. I want to tell stories to inspire others to be better for themselves.

As an island girl from a developing nation in the Pacific, I thought I had nothing to say. But I read a lot, and now I know everybody’s got something. I decided to drop everything and be a storyteller my whole life.

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